The purpose of tough love is to stop the problematic behavior and encourage positive growth and responsibility in your adult child.ĭon’t confuse tough love with meanness.The purpose of meanness is to be hurtful, which is the opposite of tough love. Tough love is intended to put your child on the path to healing and wholeness. Tough love is not being willing to bail your son out of a financial crisis one more time, even if it costs him dearly. Tough love might mean not allowing a drug-using adult child to move back into your home without first getting help. You offer tough love when you set firm limits and enforce consequences. Tough love is a disciplined and strongly expressed boundary to promote responsible behavior and long-term change. No one said parenting a child who violates your values would be easy, but the best chance for success is when there is good communication and understanding between you. WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR ADULT CHILD MAKES REGRETTABLE CHOICES Lewis wrote, “Hardship often prepares an ordinary person for an extraordinary destiny.” Your child’s failures may well become the foundation for a whole new life. Sometimes they take the form of a rapid change, but most times they are a slow climb toward a better life.Īuthor C.S. It may be too late for prevention, but it’s never too late for redemption. Your child’s regrettable decisions do not make you a bad parent. Even good parents have children who make poor choices. When your young-adult kids have serious adult-sized problems, the kind that can derail a healthy and productive life, your heart may break, but your child’s choices don’t have to break you. No doubt about it, ‘big children bring on bigger problems.’” One woman said to me, “I’ve been through a lot of pain in my life, but I’ve never felt heartbreak like I have through the poor choices of my kids.” A friend of mine whose son struggled with drug and sex addictions put it this way: “It feels like a death. The what-ifs can paralyze our souls and wreak havoc on our confidence as parents. One of the greatest heartbreaks for a parent is watching a child waste his or her life, potential, or opportunities with poor choices.
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